Holy Fuck!
Getting to Children's National wasn't the easiest trip, even with directions. Once we got parked and got to the suite, it was a large chain reaction. Saw our specialist, saw another specialist, up to radiology and back to the original specialist. All of this took over 3 hours. Our poor boy has to have surgery. But, I did my research a while ago and his Dr. is one of the best at what she does and the pediatric anesthesiology department is world renowned.
I kept it together most of the day.
I don't really remember a whole lot about Children's outside of that NICU room.
I recognized check in and parking. I didn't remember the elevators being wacky, about picking what floor your going to before getting on???
I'm pretty happy i decided against going up to the NICU and seeing Parker's doctor and introducing him to Benjamin.
As much as i would still like to, i know I'm not ready for that.
The look in his eyes when he realizes who we are, that's what I'm not ready for.
I don't really remember a whole lot about Children's outside of that NICU room.
I recognized check in and parking. I didn't remember the elevators being wacky, about picking what floor your going to before getting on???
I'm pretty happy i decided against going up to the NICU and seeing Parker's doctor and introducing him to Benjamin.
As much as i would still like to, i know I'm not ready for that.
The look in his eyes when he realizes who we are, that's what I'm not ready for.
I'm pretty sure Benjamin's Dr. thinks I'm some over-emotional cry-baby mom. I did cry when she was explaining the basics of his surgery. The doctors did ask if we've been there before. We told them yes, but failed to mention that it wasn't for Benjamin. I know i will level with her once surgery day comes. And tell her all about Benjamin's Big Brother. And why I'm a train wreck.
Of course i cant have healthy normal kids, they have to traumatize me.
But maybe that's not my genes, those are Greg's, since the rest of his kids have issues.
I've cried alot today.
It's hard for me to think about.
Being back there is so scary.
Knowing we have to keep going back, is even scarier.
Being back there is so scary.
Knowing we have to keep going back, is even scarier.
The possibility of losing both of my kids in that place has me so goddamn nauseous.
I've done my best today to keep my head away from the thought that we might lose Benjamin.
But I haven't gotten my head away from the night Parker died and we walked out of that same hospital with empty arms and shattered hearts.
The last 3+ years has taught me one BIG lesson:
Expect The Worst and Hope For The Best.
I've done my best today to keep my head away from the thought that we might lose Benjamin.
But I haven't gotten my head away from the night Parker died and we walked out of that same hospital with empty arms and shattered hearts.
The last 3+ years has taught me one BIG lesson:
Expect The Worst and Hope For The Best.
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