Going Back

It's Halloween!

Halloween used to be my 2nd favorite holiday. 

Now I wait for it to be over. 

Mostly because i've become hyper-sensitive to Halloween decorations. 

For Benjamin's daycare Halloween party, he is dressed up as a lion.  Tonight he will be a frog.

Hurricane Sandy had us on lockdown for a few days and not much got done. 

We finally carved Benjamin's pumpkin last night right before bed time. 

Which meant he didn't get to help Greg dig out all the guts. 

But he did help draw on it. 

He was pretty stoked about that!

He should enjoy trick or treating this year much more than last.  Plus Aunt Mary is coming!!!

Tomorrow we go back to Children's National for the first time since we left our dead son there. 

My stomach has been tossing and turning for the last few days. 

Im suprised i still have fingernails to bite. 

Tomorrow is going to be very tough. 

As usual Greg shows ZERO emotion so, i haven't the slightest idea how he's feelling about it.

Which is making me even crazier. 

Today is definitely a lock myself in the bathroom at work and cry day.

I've started to think that maybe Children's National was not the best choice. 

We're getting the absolute best care for Benjamin, I keep telling myself that, and it's the truth. 

Hopefully i pull it back together long enough to get through his appointment. 

And/Or. 

Keep it together.

I cant even get words out that make sense. 

Everything i write today just comes out jumbled.

I keep reading this quote that I keep on my desk

I find comfort and peace in this quote.