Today wasn't horrible, and it wasn't great. It was just good. Good as it could've been. Greg surprised me by taking the day off to go with me up to Baltimore. We took Benjamin with us, which didn't prove to be as brilliant as Greg thought it was. We took Parker Bear with us, stopped and got balloons and flowers. I wrote on one of the latex balloons from Greg and I and i wrote on one from Benjamin. Benjamin had a blast letting the balloons go up to heaven to his big brother.
My anxiety leading up to this weekend was pretty bad. I locked myself in the bathroom at work at least once a day for about 10 minutes to completely melt down during the week. I hadn't experienced the "aching arms" and heart pains since the days and weeks following Parker's death. They were in full force again this year. They continued through til Tuesday.
Sunday, September 23, 2012- Parker's 3rd Angelversary
Today was definitely the worst. I had zero patience and zero interest in doing anything. We had planned to go to the Zoo, but it was a little too chilly and thought we'd just stay home. I crashed out on the couch for a 2 hour nap while the boys played quietly.
Remember how i said Sunday was the worst? I didn't see the semi barreling towards me out of control at some insane speed on Monday morning. (figuratively speaking of course)
Monday brought salt and the hot barrel of a just fired rifle to my gaping wounded heart. On my way into work the radio announced that the baby Panda cub at the Zoo had died, yesterday, September 23rd. Monday I read via Facebook that someone i went to high school with had their son on September 21st at 130pm. Same date and time as Parker. Some of you are thinking that its selfish of me to want to puke hearing about a perfectly healthy baby being born, but that's MY SON'S BIRTHDAY AND TIME! It all goes back to that my world is standing still while everyone around me is carrying on with their lives.
Im still angry. I thought i was passed that part of my grief. But here i am, staring at anger in the face once again.
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